i never thought that this year could be worse than last..

you're so goddamn young

so, i think i'd like to blog again.  i know that a million years have passed since i last posted.. at least, it feels as such.  BUT it's never too late to continue :)

so, a poem for now (and tyler, i know you hate plath, but i don't) --

(mirror)

I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
Whatever I see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel, only truthful - 
The eye of the little god, four cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall. 
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.

Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.

heading eastward and then to the west

hey guys, i too am heading off tomorrow - to camp (hopefully for three weeks, but definitely for one) and then to st. louis for a good ol' family visit... so write me please at camp?

the address:

Carter Walker

3163 Parsleys Mill Road

Mechanicsville, VA 23111

(and put "pathfinder" on the envelope somewhere..)

okie dokie! hope to hear from you folks... and if not, i'll see you in school!

@ stone soup

i've decided that i'm a terrible hostess/cash registrar. we opened at 10 o'clock, and it's 10:59, and i've already handled 2 customers, and it's already been such a terrible disaster. WELL, not quite a DISASTER, but certainly not as smoothly handled as would have been desired. the first man had books to assess (how in goodness' name am i supposed to know how to do THAT?) and apparently all he expected was really something i could handle - writing down his name, address, and telephone # for later contact. but. i thought i MYSELF had to assess the books and was quite literally freaking out until i realized that this was in fact not the case.

the second person - a woman - wanted to purchase books that we had held for her. this was relatively easy, despite the fact that i had never before been asked to look for such things, but the finding of them was easy enough. THEN, however, the lady went upstairs in search of more books, and by the time i had finished ringing up her held books, she was back down with 2 MORE books that i had to add to her order.. which was all fine and dandy, until she told me that she was a "stoneholder" (they get a 10% discount). i knew that stoneholders get a discount; however, i also knew that this must somehow be recorded on their account... something to which i held no idea of doing. SO, i went ahead and clicked the "account" button and pulled up her name... but then her order completely DISAPPEARED! OH NO!! so i had to yet again ring up all her books (there were 5, and the system is still down... we have to put each book in as "misc book," fill in the title, and fill in the price). a lot of tedious filling in, and i'm sure the woman (cathy matherly, her name was) was entirely too annoyed. i ended up just giving her a 10% discount WITHOUT recording the transaction on her account; i'll have to ask emily about that later.

but yes. and now people (including DUBOSE, who LOVES to annoy me) are finally here, and alex should be here in 15-ish minutes. hopefully he brings me that brownie.

p.s. i will edit this post as the day proceeds... to record the various adventures.

EDIT: alex DID bring me that delicious brownie. good man.

babel

well, my friends, today has been a nice one. alex and i ventured to... white rock something falls? something like that. in any case, it was simply but magnificently GLORIOUS. truly. the temperature was perfect; the hike was perfectly leisurely; the water was perfectly numbing. it was beautiful. and still is beautiful, i suppose, though i'm home now and bask only in the sunshine of my own yard.

in any case, perhaps i'll revert to my old habit and recap a few standout-ish events that have occurred recently. eh, well, i went to the beach (commercialized virginia beach), which was alright i suppose... although none of my usual beach buddies came this year (you see, it's a work conference that my dad goes to every year (and so his family gets to go too) and so i've made a few friends over the years) and it was rather rainy (HUGE thunderstorm(s), which was(were) actually really, really neat) and cold... not ideal for beach frolics. so i read brave new world for the most part, and ate, and slept. and shopped.

let's see... i worked friday night, which was a bit of a bummer... i didn't realize this until friday morning (while i was still beach-ing), and thus was a tad resentful at the fact that i had to sit in the car for 4 hours and then take a shower and then go straight to 4 hours of manual labor. ha. but it was alright, i suppose. saturday i drove my mother (and aggie came along for the ride) around on errands (to harrisonburg!)... but we got lost, which was not altogether enjoyable. but we eventually made our way to pier 1, and aggie and i veered off in the direction of nearby plato's closet, from which i purchased inexpensive shorts and shoes. which i like. so yay. that night i spent with aggie, watching les choristes and falling dead with exhaustion. sunday was a day of reading and... oh yes, father's day, which we celebrated out at lofton lake. i gave my father a piece of pottery that i had created in ceramics class... i think he appreciated the gift, although i can't deny that it's neither beautiful nor well-made. but a hand-made gift is a hand-made gift, i suppose, and i always feel that these are ultimately more meaningful.

monday (yesterday) i spent largely with kyle sandridge... and thus discovered that i am terribly unskilled when it comes to pool and guitar hero... and guitar hero is fun, i suppose, but i don't really understand the act of learning to simulate guitar playing to such an extent that it would be significantly easier and more meaningful to just learn guitar... but ah well, i guess i don't understand a lot of things. yesterday evening was spent in the company of family and good friends... we went to see a play (the miss firecracker contest, i think it's called) at oak grove with my grandmother and some family friends. it was nice; the play was excellent, and i was able to drive again! on the interstate! in the dark! woo!

well, i guess that brings us back to today, which consisted of chore-doing and hiking. a nice day, yes, although a tad exhausting.

mm. i think i'll go collect some magnolia leaves (as my stepmother never fails to remind me that i must do) and then settle down for a low-key evening. lovely.

OH, and post-script: i'm really getting over this facebook thing. it's been over a week and i've begun to discard any affection or admiration i once held for such a time-consuming and largely pointless thing! it's rather exhilarating. my goal is to last through summer... and then i'll perhaps re-establish myself, just for the sake of communication. i dunno though.

OH, and double post-script: those of the blog circle need to post more! i'm missing all the wonderful updates and musings!

withdrawal

it's really hard... not having a facebook. and so i've come to realize that this is not a good thing. this is something to which society has become addicted. it's that, pure and simple. addiction. i still find myself automatically directing the cursor to my facebook bookmark as soon as i sit down at the computer.. it's scary.

well, in any case, it's the second day in my facebook-less new world, and it's beautiful.

and the living is easy

the weather today is oh-so-very-very-berry lovely. i have a horrid headache though; i think i've decided on a nap after this. sounds perfect. just like the world right now... perfect. a heaven of sorts. the pulsating breeze plummeting through the leaves and then rising again, the sun playing peek-a-boo between the clouds. it's nice.

well, in any case, i feel that i've held true, in a sense, to this spirit of renewal. i deleted my facebook account (depressing, though, that i can re-access it at any point... i know i won't last very long). i read 1148 pages of novel (well, novels) within 24 hours. i'm playing the piano again. and i'm determined to learn guitar. i'm outside more and i've been nicer to my parents. i'm permitted! meaning i'm driving! i've written a poem (though terrible) and i'm anticipating the creation of many more (equally terrible) poems. i've seen friends, old and new. i'm happier.

yes, the world is just as oh-so-very-very-berry lovely right now as the weather... and maybe the weather and the world aren't so autonomous as i've been thinking.. it makes sense that they're both so so oh-so-very-very-berry lovely.

HAVE AN OH-SO-VERY-VERY-BERRY LOVELY DAY.